Rapists should not be allowed to become President of the United States. Full stop.
Tonight, ladies and gentlemen of #TheResistance, I am going to talk about some difficult things, and I am going to reveal my scars to you. When I began this public journal of life in the Trump era, I made a decision not to talk too much about myself, because I wanted this journal to be accessible to anyone. I envisioned it sort of as America's public journal.
But, frankly, that was a stupid idea.
That was stupid because for anyone to be real, they must first be themselves. I cannot offer an unflinching view into The Trump Era if I hide myself from my readers. Moreover, if I hide the fact that I am a survivor of domestic violence and multiple sexual assaults, then I am hiding one of my main problems with Our Dear Orange Leader. I know I am not alone in this regard, and by hiding I cheat myself out of a way of connecting with my readers.
So here goes, full disclosure time. (Trigger warning: rape and sexual assault).
I am, as I said, a survivor of multiple sexual assaults. I have been raped by five men. The first time I was nine. He was my mother's boss. He raped both my sisters (ages five and eleven) and I, and a three year old girl we lived with on a regular basis during the time we all shared the same dwelling. Our mom got us out of there, but to this day denies the reason.
The next time I was raped I was fifteen. He was a boy my age. We lived in a group home for troubled youth. He climbed in my window while I slept.
The last time I was raped I was seventeen. Over the course of eight years, five different men sexually assaulted me. I can't even remember how many individual instances there were.
It doesn't matter how many individual instances there were. The damage was done the first time. Every woman who suffers sexual assault--and there are way too fucking many of us--are damaged with the first attack.
Sexual assault of any kind--from groping and grabbing to rape--teaches the victim (mostly, but not always a woman) that she exists for the taking by others. That she has no worth beyond what part of her can be consumed by others. Rape and sexual assault have nothing whatever to do with desire (save for the desire for power and aggression) or lust (save for the lust for power and aggression).
It's about dominance, pure and simple.
Our current President is a rapist. He has been accused of assault by an alarming number of women. He has been caught on tape bragging about his ability to get away with grabbing, groping, and kissing women without consent because "he's a star." Not only has he denied any of the claims, he has threatened to sue his victims for speaking out publicly. A January article from The Independent quoted Trump at one of his campaign rallies last year:
Mr Trump dismissed the claims from Natasha Stoynoff, telling the crowd at a Florida rally, "Look at her", suggesting she was not attractive enough to be assaulted.
Let's break that statement down. That is a pretty goddamn loaded statement, and it is one that damages not only the victims of sexual assault, but all women.
First and foremost: rape and sexual assault are not about a man's sexual desire for a woman, and they are not about a woman's desirability.
Dismissing a woman's claim that she was sexually assaulted on the basis that you do not find her attractive is disgusting, and it says WAY more about you than about her.
Mr. Trump, when you called that woman out for not being "pretty enough" to be raped, what message were you sending the attractive women in your life? That they win, and the prize is earning the right to be sexually assaulted?
And Mr. Trump, what of that woman you first assaulted and then scoffed at? Because I fully fucking believe you assaulted her. In fact, I believe ALL of your accusers.
One of the less discussed scars that rape and sexual assault cause is the ugliness scar. Being assaulted makes you feel ugly. It makes you feel undesirable. It makes you feel unlovable. It is because it is an act of violence and because the predator uses your body without permission, taking what he wants and then leaving.
Victims of sexual assault and rape are left feeling hollowed out, dirty, and ugly.
And again, it doesn't matter if it "only" happens one time or if it happens a thousand times. Rape and sexual assault are pernicious. The after-effects--and there are many, many after-effects--have a way of coming back again and again throughout your life.
So, in a very real way, when Trump stood before his throngs of MAGA-hat-wearing admirers and scoffed at a woman he assaulted, claiming he couldn't have done it because "Well, look at her," he re-assaulted her. He re-victimized her, and for a punchline!
There are so many things I hate about Trump, but that is the number one thing. He embodies everything about toxic masculinity, and he knows it, and he is stupid enough to think those character flaws are benefits.
Trump is a vile, pathetic, lying, serial assaulter of women. He doesn't deserve to be president of HELL, let alone the United States.
I wept on Election Night when it became clear to me that the rapist was going to win. And, to be honest, I haven't been fully okay since then. I am fortunate to have a loving and supportive husband, and a loving and supportive daughter. And I'm fortunate that it has been over two decades since the last time I was personally assaulted, and I am fortunate that I haven't had to see any of my rapists since.
But imagine for a moment what it feels like for TRUMP's numerous victims? Can you imagine what it's like watching your RAPIST ruin our country while scoffing at your pain and calling you a liar?
We have to get this predator out of the White House. Thank you for listening while I opened up. Thank you for your thoughtfulness.
Follow me on twitter: @LiteraryGrrrl The revolution will be tweeted!